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Erasing Personal History
"You have to be aware of the uselessness of your self-importance and of your personal history. Your death can give you a little warning, it always comes as a chill. Death is our eternal companion, it is always to our left, at an arm's length. How can anyone feel so important when we know that death is stalking us. The thing to do when you're impatient is to turn to your left and ask advice from your death. An immense amount of pettiness is dropped if your death makes a gesture to you, or if you catch a glimpse of it, or if you just have the feeling that your companion is there watching you. The issue of our death is never pressed far enough. Death is the only wise adviser that we have. Whenever you feel, as you always do, that everything is going wrong and you're about to be annihilated, turn to your death and ask if that is so. Your death will tell you that you're wrong; that nothing really matters outside its touch. Your death will tell you, "I haven't touched you yet."
- Don Juan / Carlos Castaneda
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One thing the average person holds onto is their personal history, and it is imperative for a warrior to erase it. A warrior doesn’t need personal history. One day, they find it is no longer necessary for them, and they drop it.
Personal history must constantly be renewed by telling parents, relatives, and friends everything one does. On the other hand, for the warrior who has no personal history, no explanations are needed; nobody is angry or disillusioned with their acts. And above all, no one pins them down with their thoughts and their expectations.
Shamans are vitally concerned with their past, but not their personal past. For shamans, their past is what other shamans in bygone days have accomplished. They consult their past in order to obtain a point of reference.
ONLY shamans GENUINELY SEEK a point of reference in their past. For them, establishing a point of reference means a chance to EXAMINE INTENT.
NEVER DWELL ON PAST EVENTS except in reference.
It is NOT ADVISABLE for you to indulge in FOCUSING YOUR ATTENTION ON PAST EVENTS. We may touch on them, but only in reference. To emphasize them would mean to TAKE AWAY from the importance of WHAT'S TAKING PLACE NOW. AND A WARRIOR CANNOT POSSIBLY AFFORD TO DO THAT.
The average person also examines their past. But it’s THEIR PERSONAL PAST they examine, FOR PERSONAL REASONS. They MEASURE THEMSELVES against the past, whether their PERSONAL PAST or the PAST KNOWLEDGE of their time, in order to find justifications for their PRESENT or FUTURE BEHAVIOR, or TO ESTABLISH A MODEL FOR THEMSELVES.
Warriors have no routines or personal history. One day they find out that they are NO LONGER NECESSARY for them and, like drinking, they drop them. One must HAVE THE DESIRE to drop them and then one MUST PROCEED HARMONIOUSLY to CHOP THEM OFF, little by little. If you have no personal history, NO EXPLANATIONS ARE NEEDED; NOBODY IS ANGRY or DISILLUSIONED WITH YOUR ACTS. And ABOVE ALL, no one PINS YOU DOWN WITH THEIR THOUGHTS.
Your friends are your family, they are your points of reference. Therefore, they have to go. Warriors have only one point of reference: INFINITY. You must simply leave, leave any way you can. You have never been alone in your life. This is the time to do it. I don’t want your body to die physically. I want your person to die. The two are very different affairs. In essence, your person has very little to do with your body. Your person is your mind, and believe you me, your mind is not yours.
It is best to erase ALL personal history because that MAKES US FREE from the ENCUMBERING THOUGHTS OF OTHER PEOPLE. Little by little, you must create a fog around yourself and your life. And then, NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE who you are or what you do. NOT EVEN YOU. How can you know who you are, when you are all this?
Little by little you must CREATE A FOG around yourself; you must ERASE EVERYTHING around you until NOTHING can be taken for granted, until NOTHING is any longer for sure, or real. Your problem now is that YOU'RE TOO REAL. Your ENDEAVORS are too real; your MOODS are too real. DON'T TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. You must begin to ERASE YOURSELF. You’ve said that you want to learn about plants. Let’s put it this way then. If you want to learn about plants, since there is really NOTHING TO SAY about them, you must, among other things, erase YOUR personal history.
Begin with SIMPLE THINGS, such as NOT REVEALING what you really do. What’s wrong is that once people KNOW you, you are AN AFFAIR TAKEN FOR GRANTED and from that moment on you won’t be able to BREAK THE TIE of THEIR THOUGHTS. I personally like the ultimate FREEDOM of being unknown. NO ONE knows me with steadfast CERTAINTY, the way people know you, for instance.
From now on you must simply SHOW PEOPLE whatever you care to show them, but WITHOUT ever telling EXACTLY how you’ve done it.
You see, WE ONLY HAVE TWO ALTERNATIVES; we either TAKE EVERYTHING for sure and real, or WE DON'T. If we follow the first, we end up BORED TO DEATH with ourselves and with the world.
If we follow the second and ERASE personal history, we create a fog around us, a very exciting and mysterious state in which NOBODY KNOWS where the rabbit will pop out, not even ourselves. When NOTHING IS FOR SURE WE REMAIN ALERT, PERENIALLY ON OUR TOES. It is more exciting NOT TO KNOW which bush the rabbit is hiding behind than to BEHAVE as though we KNOW EVERYTHING.
In order to help the one erase personal history, the Warrior as a teacher teaches THREE TECHNIQUES:
~ LOSING SELF-IMPORTANCE
~ USING DEATH AS AN ADVISOR, and;
~ ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONE'S ACTS.
WITHOUT the BENEFICIAL EFFECT of these three techniques, erasing personal history would involve BEING SHIFTY, EVASIVE and UNNECESSARILY DUBIOUS about oneself and one’s actions.
~ The Teachings of Don Juan / Carlos Castaneda
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